Heal Your Church WebSite


Teaching, rebuking, correcting & training in righteous web design.

12 Days of Jesus Junk – Day 1 – Life-like Baby Jesus

On the first day of Christmas my webmaster bought for me, an “Away In A Manger Collectible Baby Jesus Pageant Lifelike Doll.”

Yes folks with Christmas 12 days from today it is time to take some time out from web design and enjoy the spirit of the season. And what better way to do that then to give coverage to the carnival of “kristian kitsch” that so corrupts our over-commercialized culture with a series I’m calling:

The 12 Days of Jesus Junk

spinning animated gif crossNow for many of you newer readers here, Jesus Junk is a term I sometimes use here to describe the ultra-cheap clip-art and gimmicks that we sometimes find on well-meaning but cut-rate-looking church and charity websites. Y’know, like that clichéd gold lamé animated gif of a spinning cross that screams “everything I know about website design I learned from Strong Bad!“.

Anyway, for some holiday fun, I figure why not poke some fun at the gift-shop culture that some times creeps into our website design – by highlighting some of the more hilarious examples of junk sold in the name of Jesus.

For example, today’s example which is pitched with the following description:

lifelike baby Jesus doll It’s time for the Christmas Pageant, and everyone has a part to play, even this sweet baby boy – he’s playing the Baby Jesus! This very special lifelike collectible Baby Jesus pageant doll was created by renowned doll artist Waltraud Hanl exclusively for Ashton-Drake.

What a unique way to bring the inspiring story of the Nativity to life for your family and friends!This collectible vinyl doll is expertly crafted, with soft RealTouchâ„¢ vinyl skin, reddish-brown hand-applied hair, and realistic fingernails and toenails. He’s dressed in a Christmas pageant “costume” of red cotton fabric with gold trim, and arrives in his own little manger made of real wood, complete with straw! Just imagine the happiness he’ll bring to your home! Order Now!

Now having sung a few operas and performed in variety of plays, I can certainly agree that it is far easier to work with an inanimate doll over a live baby any day. That said, I think this particular item is being a bit oversold as stage lights, swaddling cloth and story lines generally make the differences between a $220 and $22 doll unnoticeable.

I suggest the same may be true with those who get hung up on expensive overkill on their church websites, like hiring someone to get your message out in an all in Flash-based website, where more text-centric HTML will do.

Seeya tomorrow for more “enlightening” items of interest.