Heal Your Church WebSite

Teaching, rebuking, correcting & training in righteous web design.

12 Days of Jesus Junk – Day 4 – Jesus Loves me Kazoos

Kitschy Jesus Loves Me Kazoos - in 4 hot neon colors -On the 4th day of Christmas my webmaster brought to me, four neon colored kazoos! Yes folks, even if your singing sounds like an injured cat in a trash can, you can still harmonize with that “Mitt Romney sings your Favorite Carols with the Mormon Tabernacle” album your great aunt bought you back in 1987 when you’re equipped with one of these cheap, plastic “Jesus Loves me kazoos” pictured to the right:

Speaking of the sound of fingernails being dragged down an old, faded chalk board, I’d like to employ today’s “Kitschmas present” as a metaphor for yet another type of annoying surprise that I continue to find on a number of church websites. That is, the earsplitting gift of music – and now videos – that automatically play when the web page loads.

I mean how effective do you think a church website is that ambushes someone within earshot of their boss with some tinny rendition of Peter Schickele’s “The Seasonings” – especially in a work place where there is a sensitivity regarding music downloads and US Copyright Laws?

Fact is that though 47% of the U.S. is now online using some form of broadband, most still dislike the time it takes to load media files – not to mention the unwanted legal headaches such files present.

Fortunately services such as YouTube give content providers the opportunity to act smart by embedding a click-to-play image that we can surround with useful summaries; in turn offering the user the freedom of choice to play or not to play.

A good example is my own post entitled “Dean takes a dive in the dead sea that ‘rocks’” where I take the ‘Nestea Plunge’ into the Dead Sea with a 25lb rock on my chest – but only after providing users a brief description along with the option of clicking the play button – before showing the silly 1.5 minute video.

Point is, so long as you have the rights to the content and feel it contributes to your websites conversion goals, provide it, but in an opt-in format only. Otherwise your love comes across like a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal … or in this case, more like some krummy hot-pink kazoo in the key of B#.


  1. I just wanted to mention that as a Pagan, I’ve made use of these goofy musical instruments in Discordian ritual. Somehow, though, I don’t think that was the designer’s intent…

  2. Pingback: Think Christian » Blog Archive » Twelve Days of Jesus Junk!

  3. @Dean: Great post. I can’t tell you the times when I am listening to internet radio only to open a site and have it try to interact with my audibly over the internet radio. Fellow web designer, allow me to tell you that this doesn’t work.

  4. @Amberite: Why a Jesus Kazoo as opposed to a normal Kazoo. While worshiping God’s creation instead of God is a futile act, why do it with a Kazoo with the name of a deity that you don’t recognize on the Kazoo?