The Worse Web Page Ever, Really Ever.
I don’t know whether to thank or curse Andrew Careaga for pointing out a post on Tim Bednar’s e-Church blog entitled “The Worse Web Page Ever, Really Ever” — after being spammed by the owner of what can only be described as an act of visual violence entitled “Prophecy is one of the Presents of God.” I mean c’mon Andrew, I love you and your new book, but next time please — next time give me a bit more warning.
The very first thought that ran through my head was how much this site resembled a parody of web design via Strong Bad’s Macromedia Flash presentation on “how to design a web site.”
Both include that dark, brooding, gothish background that is sure to inspire seekers that we are the light of the world. Both are chock-full of spinning animated gifs .. “can’t have enough of those.” Especially Remenant’s use of flaming torches that look like they’re from a basement sale at Mordor.
Of course, nothing says “circular logic” like a java applet that makes images look like they’re under a foot of water — especially when the image is a banner of your web site’s name and url that takes up the majority of the center page and hyperlinks you right back to the same page. There are images next to titles on the left side frame that make no sense. The designer appears to have created a background image on the center page that is either a failed attempt at keyword stuffing — or just chose render unsearchable text half off to the right of the screen using a color selection that is too dark to read against the dreary black background. The later technique which is only outdone by the very ‘readable’ black text against bright red background on the “breaking news” page. Which is only equaled by bloated beveled images on a black subpage with dark blue hyperlinks and bright red text titles surrounded by animated gifs that have nothing to do with a subject matter that is beyond absurd.
Yes, I know I’m being a bit harsh here — as I usually take great pains to offer constructive criticisms — but this site is exactly what I had in mind when I said the following in my interview over at Niphal:
Many churches have no clue why they’re online, just that they’re supposed to be there an that anything is better than nothing. An unfortunate misconception that has made church web sites a laughing stock to non-believers and an embarrassment to the churchgoer.
You’re daggoned right I’m a bit angry — and I haven’t even discussed the theology aspect of this site — but I must remember to return evil with good. That said, the only possible constructive advice that I can offer is that the individual running this site either hire a professional, OR, in the order defined, purchase then read then redesign their web site based upon the teachings in the following books:
- Love Your God With All Your Mind: The Role of Reason in the Life of the Soul
- Web Pages That Suck: Learn Good Design by Looking at Bad Design
- Son of Web Pages That Suck: Learn Good Design by Looking at Bad Design
- Addicted to Mediocrity: 20th Century Christians and the Arts
- Fit Bodies Fat Minds: Why Evangelicals Don’t Think and What to Do About It
- E-Vangelism: Sharing the Gospel in Cyberspace
